In better news, I finally got a clean set of V-sits in and even a pretty good second set. After that, I can get my shoulder blades off the floor, but it would be generous to call the resulting shape a V. Maybe a tipped-over sun-lounge would be a better description.
Over the past few weeks, my bowel motility has reverted to pre-PCP conditions. I certainly drink less water now as I'm just not all that thirsty - except when exercising of course. The gallons of anally-trapped air that resulted in scarcely forewarned eruptions (all sound and fury, signifying nothing) that were a problem a few weeks ago seem, thankfully, to have dissipated.
I still get the periodic Bristol "Type 1" turd (see chart below) but am mostly back to Type 2 and 3 - where I like to keep things. The rapidity of my evacuations has declined somewhat (relative to pre-PCP) but I can still usually drop trou, and get the kids into the pool in just a few seconds.
The noisy, heaving and clenching offensive I had to engage in while adjusting to all these vegetables is a thing of the past and I'm back to feeling safe I can attend a 2-hour meeting without worrying that I will have to take an emergency break at some point (unless of course I'm about to miss my protein window and need to eat an egg-white).
And so the obsession with everything that goes in one end of the alimentary canal and sweeps out the other continues. I think I might be becoming a little German. Time to install a European style trophy-toilet?
The Bristol Stool Chart is a real thing - a wonderful friend of mine told me about it just recently. Perhaps everyone should take the opportunity to number their number 2's?
ReplyDeleteOK - I will bite.
ReplyDeleteWhat in the name of all things holy is a trophy toilet?
Personally I love the obsession that you blokes have about your poo. I was even moved to write a poo post today.
Holy shit (if you'll excuse the expression) - I just did a Google search on this and my b(l)og post was the second hit! The first one was this http://nothingforungood.com/2008/04/18/strange-stuff-in-germany-trophy-toilets/
ReplyDeleteBasically, they're those toilets in Europe (Germany and Austria especially) where there's a shelf that catches your defecation so you can admire your work in the dry dock before cracking a bottle of champagne on its bow and ceremonially flushing it away.
As it sits there on this shelf, it's like a trophy for your Teutonic heart to admire. Hence the name.
You've outpooed my b(l)og!
ReplyDeleteIf you ever come to Japan, the traditional squatter type dunny is custom made for such trophy inspections. Google a photo if you have never seen one.
ReplyDeleteThe Japanese are kinda obsessed with toilets - hence the built in bidets, "front bum shower", and warm air dryer combined with the heated seat and noise makers for discrete ablutions. But people have been encouraged to turn them off lately to save power. They are a total power suck.
A Japanese friend once sent me a photo of his poo as he was very proud of himself. He put a coke can beside it to show scale. Holy crap it was a big'un. However, please don't feel inclined to post flickr photos. In depth descriptions are one thing, visual images are another.
I did't realise the Germans were so poo proud as well.
Prefer the Roger's Profanisaurus description of Type 7 - "arse piss"
ReplyDeletegood shit Noel !
ReplyDeleteTracy, my brother has one of those Toto washers in his apartment in Tokyo. Although, I have to say if you have never used one before and you go through the whole royal flush process (water spray and then a hot blast of air) if you don't have a tight seal formed with the seat you just end up blowing hot stinking fecal air into the room.
ReplyDeleteWe did a trip to Kyoto once and staying at one of the monasteries there... classic wood structure, tatami mats to sleep on, communal shower area, rustic through and through... and even they had a Toto.
Great Poo Post...
ReplyDeleteI could probably rate Princess Me!Me!'s. Abigail's reflection for today was "I wish I didn't have to smell this" as she was on the toilet. I was sympathetic to her pain, since she was at it while I was in the shower.
ReplyDelete